Beast In Me 

Life. It will never be as easy as 123. Life has hit me rock bottom. Losing my father, failing my final exam, though luck in studying, unmanaged finance, negative vibes surrounds. Life. That is my life. So far. 

I wanted to share my thoughts about life with my close friend, and even my mother. Or else my little brother. But I cant. Stuck. I am stuck in between everyone around me. I dont even feel comfortable sharing. They are not me. I am myself, and they are not. They will not understand me. They cant. 

I am purely depressed. I dont believe in myself to share it to anyone. I am just someone who does not bother news. World.  Television. Friends. My eyes are on flame to see people laughing. As if they were making fun at me. But in fact, they are not. 

Life has been bitter and bitter. I am on my own bitter life. And that is what they called life. Life is hard. Life. 


Competition Is My Target

I must admit that taking photos is my hobby. Venture into the basic knowledge with the cheapest gear I own is what I truly appreciate now. I can still have the greatest photo after all, despite the limitation.

But there is still an urge to grow somehow. My target is to go for photography competition and bring home some cash to buy better gear for myself. Canon 80D is my target, just like what Casey Neistat uses. He is my idol when it comes to video/photography. I followed much of his style and advice because he is awesome. He had been in the industry since his young age.

Despite the urge, I have no time to spent for competition as exam is just around the corner. Maybe I shall wait till the end of this year to pursue this sweet escape. Being someone who is realistic with her dream and keep dreaming BIG 😀 *maybe drone is next after 80D*


Please follow my photo journal ( INSTAGRAM ) at aisyaazailan

My Tiring Friday

Friday has never been a looking forward day like people used to have. I never like my Friday. My Friday is tiring. Thinking about Friday makes me depressed. It is all because of a need to travel back and forth for my weekly class in Kuala Lumpur. Heading straight north is killing me. The journey has never been pleasant, the class never been enjoyable. I often feel sleepy and hungry. I do tried to put my heart in it, but deng it stuck in LIMBO. I guess I am overwhelmed by it’s hectic-ness. People are from every walks of life. The gaps between a human is thin, people were busy in the street. I just cannot tolerate with these busy-ness. I wish every Friday is like today’s Friday.



Till then,

A happy Chicken

The Amazing Sada Borneo

It is a band, it is an amazing band I ever heard of my entire life. It is Sada Borneo. I heard of this band few days back in Asia’s Got Talent television show. Something in this band attracts me much. Maybe because of the nature sound they created. Mixing together with the western instrument. All I can say is that they are so impressive! Their music arrangement is cool. I am still watching their show performed on plenty festivals around Malaysia. I support this kind of music so much cause it reminds me of how beautiful nature is, with sounds of bird chirping, water falling, and wind blowing. They perform using bamboo made instrument to create all this beautiful music. Lead by Sape’ as their main attraction, I believe they are Sarawakian. They are now having 11 members playing different music instrument to create the amazing Sada Borneo ❤

Cat Love



When I was a kid, I had a chance to know a cat name Dicing, it was my dad’s cat. But my mum was the one who found this cat in ss15 subang and brought home to dad because of some reasons. The cat was actually a kitten at that time. Long story cut short, I remember this one moment when the cat was sitting on top of the pillar near our gate and I was trying to call it down. I stretch my hand and..

..Dicing open its claw and scratch deep into my flesh without mercy. OUCH 😦

This causes me to experience a post traumatic stress and to be frank, the event of getting a claw gradually repeat itself when ever I see cats, I would not trust any kind of cat exist even the tamest cat on earth. Dicing made me think cat is dangerous and harmful. I never like cats after that. I can only see them from far, but not to touch them with my bare hands. That will never happen, again. What a mess the cat does..

I tried though, to build my love to cat again but it just does not work. Last few years I went to my aunt’s house and headed straight to her cage of kittens and cats because I wanted to give a try. I tried.. I carried this one kitten using  my palm and.. Damn the kitten turn its body around and scratch hard on my skin till it bleeds. This kitten does not have mercy at all.. But using my logic, maybe the cat was afraid I am going to harm them, so they scratch as a warn 😦

Slowly as I grow, I learnt that cat by its nature are really that way. They are good if they were thought to be good. They will get nasty sometimes when they are protecting themselves. Not every cat is good but not the entire cat nation is bad. So I need to be smart in handling cats. I can play with them, I will make them happy if I feed them. They will give a decent happy vibes if we are good to them, specially the stray ones.

Cat really made me happy now after I know how the “system” works. I will have the kind of moves to protect myself from getting hurt but I never want to miss a chance to hold and get to know them. Last time I had done a speech about my love to cats in Toastmasters but I would like to type it to words just because I would like to share a story about these cats again 🙂  Feel free to watch my video on YouTube.

P/s : The picture above is just from a random cat round my block

Break Without A Plan

Yesterday was the last day for all ACCA students around the world to enjoy their exams, and therefore we are all now having a BREAK. As clumsy as I can get, this semester break was the weirdest unplanned break I ever had. I am like a lost child. It is pretty sick to have this miserable feeling while deep in your heart, you know you have something that needs to be done but you just unsure what was it, sick!

It does not stop there though, the miserable thoughts that I have is actually being messed up with laziness. I was struggling so hard on the midst of exam till I had zero energy left during the exam hours itself. This semester was the worst study impact I ever felt. Maybe that is why I have no plan at all for this break except for sleeping and resting and doing nothing all the way without feeling guilty.

But then again,  I do feel something needs to be done. My laziness is now competing with miserable feelings that it create bitter feeling in me. What should I do now? I do not want to read story books, I am tired with alphabetical matters after reading too much study text. I do not want to go out because I AM LAZY ! I do not know what to do *cringe*